Parenting Lessons from Pharaoh

I am simply fascinated by the exchanges between Moses and Pharaoh in the book of Exodus. Perhaps it's because I keep battling the same things here at home - make your bed, bring your laundry downstairs, get that wet towel off the floor! Maybe. I think, though, God really wants me to learn something for me!

Pharaoh's responses to Moses are a whole lot like Satan's attempts to derail me, not just in motherhood, but in so many aspects of life.

1. Exodus 5:1-2 records this exchange between Moses and Pharaoh: "Moses and Aaron went to Pharaoh and said, "This is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says: 'Let my people go, so that they may hold a festival to me in the desert.' And Pharaoh said, Who is the LORD, that I should obey his voice to let Israel go? I know not the LORD, neither will I let Israel go." Pharaoh openly doubts Moses, and rejected God. How often does God speak to me, yet I doubt Him? If Satan can get me to doubt God, I won't do what He wants me to do. I say that's not what my kids need, or I don't need to do that. Satan wins.

2. At Moses' second request, Pharaoh called together the 'taskmasters' of the Israelites, and instructed them, "Let there more work be laid upon the men, that they may labour therein; and let them not regard vain words." (Ex. 5:9). How often have I known that God wanted me to shut down the computer, lay aside the book, turn off the TV, or hang up the phone... and I just ignored Him? Not "just" ignored Him, but convinced myself that I had to "finish this first"? Busy-ness. As if anything I choose to do is more important than what God wants me to do!

3. The next response takes it a bit further. Pharaoh tries to strike a compromise with Moses, telling Him the people can worship God, as long as they remain in Egypt. (Ex. 5:24-28). How often has Satan tried to derail me with compromises?John 10:10 says, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy..." If Satan can't get us to deny God and can't make us too busy to follow God, then he will distract us through compromises and justifications. As a parent, I have fought for years the "that's just how I am" excuse and the "that's the way I was raised" excuse, and worse, "what else can I do with these kids?" Really? Isn't God bigger than my problems? Do I believe His word only when it's convenient - or am I willing to follow Him even when it's hard? God can't use me to make a difference in my own generation or the next generation if I believe Satan's whispered lies. I can look the part of a Christian without having any impact at all.

4. When all else fails, there's the last lie. In Exodus 10:24, Pharaoh appears to relent, telling Moses that all the people may go to worship God, but they must leave the flocks and herds behind. How about me: what is Satan's last attempt to keep me from following God with all of me? What's the one thing that Satan knows I want? What is that selfish little bit that lives inside me that I must battle all the time? Some people chase "the American dream" - going for wealth, believing that money is essential to show love, sacrificing family time and relationships in the process. Some people buy in to pride, the accolades that come from work well done, when humility is what we need. What is it? What pulls me away from my role of parent time and again. Do I get it? Do I understand Satan's hold on me?

Christian parenting is as much about my own relationship with God as it is about raising my kids. God gave me these kids so they can know Him. To do that effectively, I must first know Him. I must also know me - willingly allowing God to reveal those areas in my heart that keep me from being the parent He wants me to be. In the second half of John 10:10, Jesus says, "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

Moses stood strong against Pharaoh. Pharaoh finally relented, and the people were released to take the journey God had planned for their lives. Where am I going to go? How will I get there? With God or without Him?

Dear Lord, Please forgive me for buying in to Satan's schemes. Help me realize his attacks and tricks and help me stand strong. Thank you for sending your Son into this world so that we might have a full life. Show me how to parent my kids the way You want me to. Use me so my kids can know You better. Open my eyes to the joy of life with You and the precious family You have given me. Amen

Parenting and Plagues

In the book of Exodus this morning, I read about Moses, Pharaoh and the plagues. As I read, I asked God how the chronicle of plagues and responses is relevant today. After all, we don't have leaders turning waters to blood anymore. God doesn't send swarms of gnats to ruin a nation. That's not the "new testament" style.

God reminded me of my role as parent. As a mom, I am called to mold my children's hearts to love God, trust Him with their lives and answer Him when he calls. My children live for a purpose that is not their own, but is God's.

At the same time, they are selfish, lazy, insincere, and uncaring. (Aren't we all?) They know the truth - we speak it, pray it, study it every day - yet they choose to "do their own thing." Isn't that what a hard heart is? One that does its own thing and not the will of God? My kids, and if I am honest, myself, are like Pharaoh. We hear the word of God, we can know His will for us, and yet, we refuse to submit to that will. We can understand the truth with our head, and our hearts be hard to it.

Moses never quit. He continued to pursue Pharaoh and his hardened heart. He came, not in his own strength, but in the strength of God. Moses obeyed God again and again. He didn't give up when Pharaoh proved stubborn. He didn't whine to God about how slow Pharaoh was to learn. He just did what God asked. Nothing more. Finally, Pharaoh relented, though not without great suffering.

As parents, we are called to train our kids in the way they should go, so that as adults, they will follow God. We, like Moses, face hard hearts and stubborn self-will. Will we choose to be like Moses, never giving up even when faced with stubborn and strong-willed children who don't want to learn?

What about me? Parenting isn't easy, and doing it "my way" is even harder. The question is: God, will I follow you? Will I parent the way you have desired it? Or will I stubbornly do it myself - even though it means more "plagues" (arguments, hurt feelings, misunderstandings) at home?

God, forgive me for the times when I have stubbornly done things my way -- for parenting my kids without You. Help me understand my children as You have designed them. Mold me to be more like Moses and less like Pharaoh, relying on you to show me how to parent, not fight your plan. Use my life to raise my kids to become the awesome people you want them to be. Show me how to discipline, instruct, and nurture them. And Lord, please work in their hearts, too. Soften them to your will, and help us grow closer to you, together. Amen

Following God - It's a friendship thing!

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. Pro. 3:5-6

Three years ago, I stepped out of ministry. Really, I was forced to ride the bench for a season. Unfortunately, I had chosen to serve in ministry without giving God the time He deserved. I was serving selfishly, seeking affirmation where I could get it rather than address my daughter's developmental issues. Our home was falling apart as I served in greater and greater roles in ministry. Praise God for a friend who cared enough to confront!

In that season of rest, I moved out of coaching ministry to "merely attending" a small group. At first, I felt shame. How could I have gotten so out of whack. I was teaching the importance of right priorities and then not living it. Hypocrite!

But I serve a great God. God worked in my heart that season. He forgave me for ignoring Him. We spent a glorious season reconnecting - much like catching up with a long lost, yet dear, friend - it was an amazing time. Our family tackled Ellie's issues head on, and our fun, close-knit family began coming back.

God's purposes are always greater than ours. He wants a relationship with us, and He wants us to allow Him to have center stage so He can work through us in our relationships with others. Today, a full three years after my forced hiatus, God revealed something to me that I had never known.

Back then, I was focused on my healing, my restoration, my time with God. I wasn't serving anywhere in ministry. I thought I was in a season of rest. Wrong! God never wastes anything. When we are obedient to His ways, He uses our everyday life to impact others. We don't always know it. I learned today that God used my marriage, my faith, my humility, and my love for others to reach a friend in need when I felt like I had nothing to give. I had no idea the impact I had on her. I was just supporting a friend - not ministry, just friendship.

But that's God. His heart is that we spend time with Him so we can be there for each other. For our kids. For our friends. For people we don't even know yet. Ministering to one another in friendship - we grow closer to Him. I rejoice in my friend's life and how God is using her now. I thank Him, for using me even when I thought I was useless. I pray my life will always point others to the love of Jesus, and the hope that comes in having a personal, real, honest relationship with Him.

School Days

"They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor." Isaiah 61:3 (NIV)

My boys are gearing up for another school year. Nathan gets his course schedule and meets his teachers today. I am so proud of him for wanting to live boldly for Jesus in the public high school. My prayer is that he will have great teachers and continue to make wise decisions... Selfishly, I'd love him to dive into homework more willingly :)

Ben starts back tomorrow, with a day of homeschool co-op classes. He has worked so hard to overcome a reading "difference" (orthographic processing disorder) and is starting to read fluently. He works ten times harder to get the work done than a typical student, but he never quits. He's even starting to believe that he IS smart! I pray that the transition to middle school work will go well for him, and that he'll be a good example to his peers.

Mostly, I pray that my sons will become like mighty oaks - living to show God's splendor to the people in their lives. After all, we live not for ourselves, but so others can discover love and hope in their own relationship with Jesus. Nathan, shine that light! Ben, show the world that there is nothing in this world that God can't conquer. Dear God, please cover them in your grace, love and strength in all that they face this year.

My Magpie!

Our daughter, Ellie, harbors a dark side not noticed by most outsiders. Her brothers, the primary targets of her attacks, are too well-aware of it. For lack of a better explanation, we have decided that Ellie is in some weird way related to the black-billed magpie. Like the magpie, she is magnetically drawn to shiny objects, particularly her brothers' shiny objects.

These past few months, Ellie has been stashing all sorts of shiny objects in her room, none of which were actually hers. She has snagged coins from a coin collection, gameboys, a cell phone, an ipod touch, silver legos (not red, blue, green or yellow, just silver), and a toy light sabre. I'm sure she has taken more, but you get the idea. She doesn't play with them -- well, she does tend to mess up the ipod -- she just hoards them in her "nest" under her pillow, like the magpie.

I'm not sure why we're so surprised by her behavior. Or why it drives us so crazy. She has always been this way; she just didn't act on it before.

In China years ago, while we were finalizing Ellie's adoption, we visited a large mall in Guangzhou. Ellie sat quietly in her baby carrier on Daddy's hip. And then we'd walk by a jewelry store. Suddenly, she would push up, crane her neck to see all the glittery gold and squeal! With all she had, she would reach toward the shiny display. It happened over and over. We just cracked up! And obviously had no idea where this fascination would one day lead.

Here we are, four years later, and Miss Magpie has many beautiful shiny things of her own. Yet none hold the same thrill that her brothers' belongings do. We are completely stumped! We make her give them back and apologize. We have asked her if she wants them to take her toys -- of course she doesn't. She has stood in the corner again, and again, and again (why haven't I given up on this one yet?).

All I know to do is to keep asking God for wisdom on this one. His Word says, "train up a child in the way 'she' should go, and when 'she' grows old she will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6). God has entrusted this beautiful girl to us, and I know, someday, He will reveal how we can mold her heart. In the meantime, I continue to pray for guidance, try to be patient and firm, and remind myself that this is not all she does. Ellie is a wonderful, inquisitive girl. Someday, this will pass.

"I Do!" and I'd do it again

Nineteen years ago today, I married my best friend. Fourteen years earlier and long before we started dating, Rob and I became friends. As the years passed, our friendship grew. In high school, I had the strange honor of being his "girlfriend sounding board." Really? How about me? I had such a crush on him. He was definitely the kindest, cutest, and most fun guy I knew.

Our wedding day didn't go quite as planned. So many things went wrong. One incredible moment, though, was my knight-in-shining-armor coming to my rescue. I had torn my pantyhose while dressing and didn't have a backup pair. My mom was a little anxious about the day (her baby girl was getting married, after all) and didn't have it in her to run down the street to get a replacement pair. Flustered, she went into the hall - at just the right time - and ran into Rob in his penguin suit with his brothers. She blurted out our predicament, and Rob, oh so calmly, said, "we'll go get her new ones." Just hearing him in that crazy moment, was so comforting. Off they went, four guys in tuxedos to K-Mart. He bought me three different pairs of hose, just in case he picked wrong or I had another issue dressing. Reassuring and confident, there when I needed him.

Here we are, almost two decades later, and he is still the kindest, cutest and most fun guy I know. He is still calm and confident. He is the voice of reason when I'm not so reasonable. He is the picture of peace when my world swirls. Nineteen years, and there is no doubt, I would say "I do" again, hose or no hose.

Thank you, Treds, for being such a godly husband, for leading our home, for treasuring my heart, and for being quick to forgive and slow to anger. I am truly honored to be your wife. Happy Anniversary. Always and forever.

Lessons from the Garden

After living in our home for seven years, we finally landscaped the yard this spring… I really shouldn’t say we did it, because we took the lazy route and hired a great landscaper to do the work! Unfortunately, now that it’s done, we have to maintain it. I guess we could let it go, but that doesn’t make much sense.

This month has been really busy and making time for the yard, well, not so easy! Knowing I needed to get out there, I kept an eye on things when I could. I’d look out the window or glance across the yard while running to and from the car, and it seemed so pretty and perfect. Then yeseterday, I decided it was time to commit to the few weeds creeping across the edge of the beds. Yea, me!

When I got out there, down on my knees, I learned the truth. Under cover of my beautiful plants, my beds were full of weeds. They had snuck up on me, and I had a much bigger chore than I realized. (You can call me naive if you want. I am aware now!)

As I gently lifted my plants and pulled the offending weeds from below, God spoke into my heart. He showed me how subtle sin is and reminded me how important it is to tend to my relationship with Him every day. I learned:

• that just as I refused to look closely at my yard during this crazy month, I can “ignore” God and not allow my own heart to be weeded. It’s as if I believed that if I don’t look for the sin, it won’t be there. (Proverbs 5:21-23)
• that just as the weeds grew strongest under the shadowy cover of the plants, sinfulness grows in the darkest corners of my heart. What is going on in my life that I refuse to shine God’s word on? Do I ask God to reveal the dark places residing within me? Do I want him to weed my dark shadowy places? (Ephesians 5:11-13)
• that just as I waited a long time to weed and had a huge project, I need to be willing to go through the refining process with God. Am I willing to run that race to the finish, no matter how long and hard it is? (Philippians 3:13-14)

I know I have ignored God’s direction in some areas. I have made excuses (it’s just the way I’m wired… because I’m the mommy… I’m too tired to deal with this today). My yard looks a lot better today. I think my heart is a little better looking, too… at least for today.